What Happens When You Stop Chasing Certainty?
what writing my first Modern Love essay taught me
Think About It
“It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” — Ursula K. Le Guin
This week I submitted my first essay to Modern Love in the New York Times. For more than five years I’ve been pitching the publication, trying to land stories, but I never considered pitching an essay for ML. If I’m honest, I only began reading the column in the past year.
My ‘aha’ moment came after reading the acclaimed book, Strangers: A Memoir, by Belle Burden. At the end of the book (spoiler), Belle notes that she wrote her first story—after many many years of not writing— for Modern Love and it kickstarted her journey to publishing her memoir. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my head. Instantly, I decided to go write and pitch something. There was only one problem.
I’ve never pitched a fully written story in hopes of someone publishing it. I’ve always gotten the greenlight after a pitch I sent was accepted. Even when I write drafts on spec (sending an editor a draft of an article that they haven’t fully approved) it’s different because at least someone has expressed warm interest in my story. In order to get this essay done, I would need to treat it as if it was like any other writing job. With the utmost care, discipline and diligence.
This got me thinking: how often do we not go after we want because we don’t know the outcome? While I feel good about my story and am hopeful in its reception, I have no idea what the outcome will be. At best, the editors will say yes to it and help me workshop and fine-tune it. At worst, they’ll say it’s not a good fit.
I can think of a few occasions in which I didn’t start something because I couldn’t guarantee how it would turn out. But there’s a freedom in creating to create. And putting your whole heart into a project because you feel good about it. Not because you’re hoping someone else will accept it, or better yet, accept you.
We can have our goals and dreams and enjoy the journey.
Even though I don’t know if my essay will be accepted, I’ve gained so much in the process. I’ve stretched myself in my writing, learned to edit meticulously, made some new connections (hired someone to give edits; highly recommended!) and I wrote a story that was really significant for me.
As a result, I’ve also started an accountability group of women to complete The Artist’s Way 12-week program (message me if you’re interested in joining), to continue my writing streak. And I’m sure I’ll uncover more goodness that has come from this process.
Ask yourself: What do I want to try, but am afraid to start?
Your creativity matters. You fully expressing yourself matters. Start the thing, whatever it is.
Take care,
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About Me
I’m Shanetta McDonald, a somatic life coach, writer, and veteran publicist who’s a guide for folks learning to live more fully in their truth. Over the past decade, I’ve helped shape the stories of changemakers, creatives, and mission-driven brands. Now, I help people—especially women—release perfection, reconnect with their bodies, and rewrite the narratives that no longer serve them.
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