I want it all. And, right now.

Learning to ride the waves of discomfort in patience.

Think About It

“If whatever you’re doing isn’t working, don’t do it harder. This applies in every area of life, but most of us don’t seem to recognize it. Our cultural assumption is that doing things harder is the way out of confusion and into happiness.” - Martha Beck

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This week I found myself frustrated. I’ve been working really hard to grow a certain area of my one my business ventures, and I realized that the time I’ve invested into it was not paying off. Inherently, I knew that my frustration would pass, and that things would improve, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to give up as I questioned what the hell I was doing. I wondered, when will things change? And what do I do with myself while I wait?

I stumbled upon Martha Beck’s quote a few days later when my worry subsided, and the advice really sunk in. I didn’t take her words as a directive to do nothing. But I did realize that I was trying, pushing and forcing with everything in me to get results from an area in my life and it wasn’t working. So, why did I keep using the same approach?

This is on top of the fact that I’m apparently a Projector in Human Design (which I’m still unpacking, tbh), and it means that at a high level I am not meant to be a workhorse and instead should ‘wait for the invitation.’ It’s funny, because I don’t think that I’ve ever waited for anything to happen in my life - I typically see it, want it and go get it. But, that’s not completely true, and trying harder all the time isn’t sustainable. 

So I asked myself, what would it look like if I backed off and took a break? What if I only worked on this thing when I felt really inspired or compelled to? What would that look like? I made a mental list of all the things I could do in the interim, and the list is long. There is so much more life to be lived while we wait for things to manifest and unfold in our lives. And now when I obsess about what something isn’t, I actively redirect my thinking to where it should be, which is in the present.

Here are a few other aha’s I’ve had while waiting:

• There is fear in waiting. Because there is fear in the unknown. And if there’s one thing I know for certain it’s that we’ll never be able to fully predict what happens in our lives.

• We can be an active participant in our lives while we wait. If you’re a busy (anxious) body like me and used to motion/doing equalling action then this is tough. But, literally, just find something else to do. Or not. Committing to rest is also action.

• Financial security is real, and if the thing you’re waiting on is attached to that, acknowledge it. Then plan around it.

• Feelings aren’t facts, but they are information. If you’re feeling burnt out doing something, dig into what’s exactly making you feel that way. If there’s waiting or patience required, then guess what, you get to feel your feelings and sit in the discomfort of it.

💬 I’d love to hear your thoughts: Are you working on bringing in patience in an area of your life? What does waiting look like for you? Leave a comment, hit reply, or email me at info@ourmotif.co.

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✍🏽 If you know me, then you know I love a good hobby.✨ But, hobbies and creative outlets give us so more than exploration. They can facilitate and unearth healing if we allow it. And last month, I wrote about my experience in doing ceramics for over two years (ya girl was good!) in Essence. I hope after reading that you can carve out time for play in your life.

📕 I try to read (and finish) one book per month. And I tend to gravitate towards fiction, autobiographies, or self-help focused literature, depending on what season of life I’m in or simply what catches my interest or attention. This month, I’m nearly half way through Aurora James’ new memoir, Wildflower. James, an activist, fashion designer and businesswoman, does more than give readers a glimpse into her rocky upbringing and windy road to founding her fashion brand, Brother Vellies and the non-profit, the 15 Percent Pledge. She bares it all. If you’re looking for proof that 1.) our stories matter, and 2.) that we are not our pasts, then this raw, and very humanesque read is for you.

📺 Couples Therapy on Showtime has been my latest obsession. The show follows real couples in very real, raw and honest couples therapy sessions. I’m a bit late in watching it (there have been three seasons), but I was able to blow through the ~27 minute episodes in two days. Yes, it’s THAT good. I was able to see a little of myself in every individual, and I bet you will too.

🧴 At least once a week I’m asked to ‘drop the skincare routine, sis.’ So, I’m dropping bits of it here. It really is simple - cleanse, tone, scrub (2-3x weekly), moisturize and SPF. But, every once in a while I’ll test out a new product. During postpartum I’ve dealt with hyperpigmentation, so I went back to using a vitamin c serum (after toner) and after hours of searching for an option that was effective and wouldn’t break the bank, I discovered Mad Hippie’s Vitamin C Serum, with hyaluronic acid, vitamin E and ferric acid. It’s incredibly gentle and brightening, and I saw results in about one week. 

P.S. I’ll be back next month for the next issue!